I've got issues with stuff

I've got issues today. And they're political, as well as randomly newsworthy.
I used to be a big fan of Chad "Ochocinco" Johnson. When he was a member of the Patriots, and excelled at being amusing on Twitter (though not-at-all productive on the field), I thought he was awesome. I quoted him. I read his tweets to Brian. I showed off the pictures he would tweet to my family and friends. Then, he got booted from the Pats. Bad. I stopped following him. Then, well, he headbutted his wife. Leaving the Pats was one thing, but hitting his wife because she (allegedly) found condoms in his bag? Incredibly bad form, Chad. If I wasn't out before, I certainly am now.
Oh my god, Paul Ryan. I honestly don't even know where to begin with this dude. Seriously, he's a blight on American politics, and the people, and he's picked to run for Vice President? Could Romney pander to the Tea Party any more than he just did with that guy? He's a crazy, right-wing extremist of the worst kind: personhood (declaring that an embryo is a person, from the moment the sperm meets the egg); more than 91 percent cuts in government programs over the next 40 years is his economical plan; supports a Constitutional amendment banning gay marriage; and would ban several kinds of birth control, including some birth control pills. I can't think of a worse guy to have influence in the White House. Ladies, the War on Women has just met it's biggest supporter, and Mitt Romney wants to put him in the Vice President's chair.
Robert Pattinson made his first post-Kristen Stewart scandal appearance on The Daily Show tonight. It was awesome. Jon Stewart brought out some ice cream. As they took a bite, Stewart says (I paraphrase), "You are better off. Kick her to the curb." It was super funny, because he said it in his best bitchy college girl voice. Fantastic! Now, can we just get back to being excited that there is only one more Twilight movie for us to suffer through?
Did you know that Olympians defect when they're at the Olympics? It hadn't occurred to me, but it makes perfect sense. Apparently, seven Cameroonian competitors and coaches have not been heard from since the end of the Games. And four members of the Congo contingent also are missing. I think this is awesome. All the power to these people that have the strength and courage to ditch their homes and try to make a better world for themselves. ... But there's still no confirmation that some losing Olympians are forced to walk home after the Games. I've checked, Mom.
I don't watch Shark Week. For some reason, it doesn't interest me. At all.
Also, I don't know why a caftan. But it's sassy.