Honesty counts for something, right?

I just wrote the most frank and honest cover letter for a job that I ever have before. Honestly, I'm getting super frustrated in the job market, some because I can't find anything I want to do, and also because I kind of don't want to find anything. So, there's a definite push and pull in my job hunt. But also I'm finding that I need to be a bit more interesting in my letters. My resume is boring, and features a big, fat eight-year hole in it, so something has to grab the HR manager's attention.
Witness this letter:
​Good morning, Ms. [HR person]!
I hope you're having a great day so far!
My name is [me], and I am an awesome editor.
Awesome editors, of course, are detail oriented, efficient and able to handle multiple projects at once. That's a given. My creative writing, grammatical checks, and proofreading are among my strongest assets, and have been both the envy and fear of the editorial staffs I've worked with in the past. I'm good at headlines, too, and always get a charge out of creating a good one. When it comes to editorial copy, I'm a master. I can turn anything into something worth reading.
I have a ton of experience writing for a variety of publications, on a surprising number of topics (martial arts and [that stuff], to restaurant write-ups and [other stuff]). So you see, I can adapt to any company's readership, demographic and editorial needs. I may not have the click-obsessive experience and knowhow that you want immediately, but I am a fast and adept learner. I fear no click-counting program!
I also recently worked as a social media community manager. An editor and social media maven in one person? Indeed!
As for salary requirements, I'm super, super flexible, and can be a real bargain. My experience screams for more, but really, about [less than I deserve] would be fine with me. And I live right up the street, so that's a plus. No worries about me being late because of traffic!
Also, in the interest of full disclosure, I have interviewed with [this company] before. About three or four years ago, I interviewed for [a different] position. From what I was told, I almost really got the job!
So, let me know if you'd be interested in meeting with me, and we can talk more!
Thank you so much for your time (and indulgence with this ridiculously frank letter),
[Signature]

I was feeling pretty good about this actually, until I just checked my e-mail so I could copy and paste this letter, and discovered an auto reply that said she was on vacation until July 21. She has limited access to e-mail though, so maybe, just maybe, I'll hear something before then. How could she not respond to this?