It's a book about ... oh, I don't know

Every day, I get a little closer to getting my book online. Brian and I did a lot of work on the cover today, and we may have settled on a concept and look for it. (In fact, we may have come up with an idea to carry through all the books of the series.) But first things first: I've got to put this one all together and scan it into my computer, and then we can really get going on this thing.
I'm starting to get pretty excited about this whole endeavor. So, it's all moving along, and I may have this thing up and running by the end of the weekend. That's the goal I'll set myself, so I don't rush it. A rushed book won't be any good to anyone, and that's not at all what I want.
I suppose I should do a quick search through Kindle to see if anything already has my title. That would be a drag, though according to Brian, my title isn't too catchy anyway. (Punk!) What other kinds of things does one do before self-publishing their book? No idea.
Ah, I know. I need my synopsis.
What the synopsis needs to be: catchy, pithy, funny, clever, interesting, informative, smart. ALL THE THINGS I AM, of course. How the hell does one condense all that into a short and sweet description of a book? Very carefully, I figure. We'll find out tomorrow.