Time to brush up on curling rules

This month, my avatar celebrates the Winter Olympics, and the improbability of me ever actually ice skating. It requires too much balance, my friends, and I don't have any. I remember the one time I tried ice skating, on a field trip with my Pinecresters. I was not capable of standing upright, and spent most of my time hanging on to the side of the rink. And then I was done. So I guess it's more celebrating the Games while mocking my failed attempt at ice skating.
The Olympics begin in a few days, and I'm looking forward to spending the 14 days after that glued to my sofa enjoying repetitive contests of skill and daring in the cold weather, as well as being talked to sleep every night by Bob Costas. I'm more than a little concerned about the welfare of all the athletes going to Sochi, though. Nothing about Russia sounds at all hospitable right now, and the tenuousness of the security and environment there is nerve wracking. I hope it goes well.
Sports that stress me out to watch: ice skating, snowboard racing, ski racing, and short track speed skating. Sports I thoroughly enjoy watching: alpine skiing, biathlon, curling, luge, ski jumping, and bobsled. I look forward to spending my nights with Bob Costas. And please, Olympic TV gods, don't make me have to sit through Ryan Seacrest or Cris Collinsworth.