So, this is how we're going to itemize tonight's blog post.
LEFT BOOB, HORIZONTAL SQUISH: The mammogram. It was a mammogram, I guess, since I've never had one before, but this particular breast center likes to make the experience a lot like a spa. Having entered the center's hallowed interior waiting area, I was handed a warmed robe, and directed to a bank of changing rooms and shown the locker area, where I was told to place my upper garments and personal items. My phone, of course, stayed in my robe pocket so I could text with my mommy.
LEFT BOOB, VERTICAL SQUISH: The waiting room was centered by a fountain in the middle of the room, and comfy chairs and sofas around it. There was a coffee station, and piles of magazines. All that was missing was a rock garden and a foot masseuse.
RIGHT BOOB, HORIZONTAL SQUISH: My technician's name was Suzette, and she was awesome. She explained everything that happened, from the reasoning behind the weird nipple shield things that looked like bandages with ball bearings in the center, to telling me when it was okay to start breathing again. Now, the pain involved, which had stressed me out so much last night, was not bad. I'll make a comparison here that may sound like semantics, but it's a good one, the mammogram squishing hurt, but it wasn't painful. It was uncomfortable, and I'm glad I don't have to do it for another year, but it's not anything I'm afraid of.
RIGHT BOOB, VERTICAL SQUISH: This is where I tell you how weird it is to look down at yourself and see parts of you squished and crammed into a position they've never been in before. The upper plate was clear, so I could look down and see my body all flattened out and awkward looking. I honestly can't wait to see how the images look, and I'm hoping they can e-mail them to me. I'm beyond intrigued at this process. Mammograms are awesome.
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