How to justify eating a dropped thing

I live my life by the five-second rule regarding food on the floor. Sydney doesn't, because I'm a better mom to her than person to myself. But this image amused me so much that I had to save it, and then bring it to you in all its glory. I don't claim credit for it, of course. I claim appreciation.
My adherence to the rule though is only in regards to dry food stuffs. Wet things, obviously, collect the germs when they splash onto the floor. The donut in the picture qualifies as a dry thing, because the bottom is dry. Only the frosting would be considered a wet food, but only if the frosting itself is actually wet and freshly applied. If it's dry frosting, it's all good. You see, there is a method.
Dry things just kind of land, and the germs don't automatically adhere. ... Because there's nothing for them to stick to right away.
Science.