Lingerie is a good thing, but is best purchased by the woman who plans to wear it. That woman knows what looks best on her, and what is most comfortable for her. Lingerie is considered to be a gift for the man who takes it off, but rather, it is a gift of self-confidence for the woman. If she's wearing it, she knows it works on her, and that is a confidence booster. That confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can wear. Men! Do not buy lingerie!
Flowers are a racket. I used to work down the street from a florist, and for the weeks and days leading up to Valentine's Day, the price of a dozen roses would go up. In January, roses were $12 a dozen. A couple days before Valentine's Day, the price was $24.99. On Valentine's Day itself, a dozen roses was as high as 35 dollars. Ever since I saw that, and watched it happen year after year, I've lost all interest in roses, and flowers in general, for Valentine's Day. Men! Flowers are a racket!
Candy is a personal choice. If a woman likes candy, she likes a specific candy. The trick to buying candy is in knowing whether or not the person is interested in busting a calorie boundary for the holiday. Buy it when the Valentine is dieting and trouble brews. Buy the wrong stuff and you'll be accused of not paying attention. And may the gods help you if you buy the Whitman's Sampler at the corner store. Cheap candy has no place, no matter the sentiment. Men! If you must buy candy, buy not-cheap and good candy!
I realize that all these things make Valentine's Day difficult (especially for Brian, who knows all my rules, but who also benefits from the fact that I'm perfectly happy with a card and lunch), but heed these simple "Men! Don't Do This" suggestions, and you're good to go.
[Editor's note: All these are subject to the Valentine's whim. If they want lingerie, flowers and candy, do the do and get them, damn the cost of the flowers. But seriously, don't ever buy chocolate diamonds. If you're going to buy diamonds, buy DIAMONDS.]
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