All I want is a ringtone, pleeze!

I'm getting frustrated with iTunes. It doesn't take a lot to get frustrated with iTunes, but tonight, my tolerance level is at an all-time low. The source of my frustration? Ringtones. I want nothing more than a Katy Perry ringtone for my phone. My iTunes is not allowing this. More than that, my iTunes is not allowing any ringtone production at all. I don't require a lot from my technology, in general. But I do require that it, you know, do what I want it to when I want it to. And this temper tantrum from my iTunes store is pissing me off. It's like, daring me to figure out exactly why it's feeling sassy and uncooperative. It's taunting me, really, because the Help menu in iTunes is giving me some very specific and, seemingly, easy instructions to fix the issue, but the menu options I'm being told are available, actually are not there at all. Once again, frustrated.
Also, I've figured out the two things I want for my birthday. And if you can believe it, they're both kitchen appliances. 1.) Cuisinart's CleanWater 2-gallon counter-top water filtration system. It has to be the 2-gallon, because that supports the instant hot, cold and room temperature water dispenser. Oh yeah, and filters for it, too, please. 2.) Keurig Elite Brewing System. This is the lesser of the fancy models, with two different cup sizes to choose from, and the ability to accommodate travel mugs. I feel like we need an easier way of making our hot chocolate and coffee whenever we're thirsty for it.
Then, I could at least be enjoying some delicious hot chocolate while I was screaming at iTunes.