Capt. Jack Chihuahua. That's funny

I'm feeling kinda bruised and battered, from the inside, tonight. And because I seem to tell you all everything, I'll go ahead and spill this one, too: I had an IUD (intra-uterine device) installed/inserted this afternoon. It hurt a bit more than I thought it would, and I'm still feeling it a bit more than I thought I would, but relief is soon coming. I took one of my "Shingles" pain pills a few minutes ago, and I'm waiting for it to kick in.
My appointment was at 12:30; I arrived at 12:25; I was in the car and heading to lunch at 12:52. It didn't take long at all, and having chatted with a friend who also has one, I now understand why. My doctor didn't put a heating pad on my lower torso for 20 minutes to help warm me up and loosen my areas; my doctor didn't invite me to stay on the table for another 20 minutes after insertion to cuddle with the heating pad and rest; and my doctor didn't braid my hair or massage my feet while I rested (actually, that last one is a lie, my friend's doc didn't do that either, he just might as well have. Clearly, the expect us to be super tough at this office; no pampering there!).
After leaving the office, I went for lunch, but eventually made it quick because I was starting to cramp pretty badly. So, I thought a walk around the mall would help a bit. That, too, was a poor decision, as my body was cramping even more. So I came home, rested for a few more minutes while the babysitter took Sydney out for a walk around the complex, and dosed myself with Advil. Tonight, having gotten past all the major cramping (I think), and bleeding (sorry for saying that, but it's the truth), I'll be bedding down in cozy warm pajamas, with my constant sleeping partner, Oliver, and removing myself from the day, with the comforting feeling of generic Vicodin rolling through my veins.