"You may kiss the bug-infested bride"

ITEM!: My very romantic Valentine's Day consisted of leftovers out of the fridge for Brian, and me scrounging for something edible (chicken and stars soup, and a cinnamon-raisin English muffin), and a viewing of The Aristocrats, the documentary movie about a really dirty joke told by several comedians. I'd never heard the joke before, and went into this one blind -- completely blind. I thought it was relatively funny (Brian certainly enjoyed it more than I), and I could probably go the rest of my life without hearing anyone ever tell the joke to me in person.

ITEM!: Oh, this one is fun. Yesterday, in a romantically creepy wedding, the Scorpion Queen and the Centipede King got married. This is their official wedding photo. Kanchana Ketkaew, 36, set a world record in 2002 for spending 32 days in a glass cage with 3,400 scorpions (it was broken in '04); and 29-year-old Bunthawee Siengwong set a Thai record for enduring 28 days with 1,000 centipedes. Kanchana's bridal gown was adorned with live scorpions, while Bunthawee enticed his bride by placing a centipede in his mouth. Howie always told me that there's someone for everyone. This is true love at its best.

ITEM!: Pink's new album, I'm Not Dead, is dropping in stores on April 4, and I'm super excited about it. Have you seen her video for "Stupid Girls"? Watch it here. Classic satire based on our favorite tabloid celebutantes and waifs, it skewers most everyone. The CD, I'm sure, will be so worth the wait since we last heard from her in Try This. Pink's never shied away from the controversial topics, and writes from the heart, so this more topical CD should be interesting. (The only other song's name that has been released is, "Dear Mr. President.") Ever since I've really dug into the iTunes, I've denied myself the expensive pleasure of buying actual CDs, and have filled up from the $.99-per-song Web site, but as with Brit, U2, Madonna, and Barenaked Ladies, I'll be putting forth the extra cash for the actual disc.

ITEM!: Lastly, contrary to rumor, and a certain magazine cover (left), Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have not broken up (or SPLIT!). Really, I'm getting pretty bored with the whole "TomKat Watch," and would prefer that the couple either actually do something to earn their place on a rag's cover, or do us all a favor and quietly slip into nothingness.