Monday, March 7

Bear. We have Bear.

So, I just had one of the worst evening, night and mornings ever. It was awful.
Sydney lost Bear. In theory, and for those people without a child incredibly attached to a stuffed animal, this is not a big thing. But in our house, a lost Bear is the worst kind of thing that could ever happen.
Some history of Bear:
I bought him at Disneyland's California Adventure when I was pregnant, in May 2006.
Ever since Sydney's first night at home, Bear has slept in her bed with her. I know that we're not supposed to allow stuffed animals in the cribs with babies, but Bear just fit perfectly in the crib corner.
Before we knew it, Sydney had attached herself to Bear, and he went everywhere in the house with her.
As she got old enough, he was named by her, and became just that important at bedtime.
At four years and five months, she sleeps with him, loves him, and calls him her "best friend."
I can count on one hand how many times Sydney's ever fallen asleep without Bear: including last night, it is four.

So it's always my policy to leave Bear at home. I don't like taking him out of the house, and I don't like depending on Sydney to keep track of him. But yesterday, she got that look in her eye, and so I allowed her to take Bear to lunch with us. He sat on the bench between us. I know she had him when we left. Then, we went to Home Depot. I remember him in her hand when we walked into the store. And then, I don't remember seeing him at all.
At bedtime last night came the question that I hate to hear, "Where's Bear?" I'm like, "I don't know. Where did you leave him?" She didn't know. I couldn't remember seeing him anywhere. We recruited Brian for the household search. We all came up empty. Where the hell was Bear?
Tears ensued. It's at this point when I get really, really nervous. I called the restaurant. They didn't have him. No, he has to be there. We drive to the restaurant to check. Our waitress remembers Bear, and tells me that she knows that Sydney had Bear when we left. I searched the restaurant's garage. I called Home Depot, where we had gone after lunch, which closed 30 minutes prior.
We went through the house one more time, but then the sad reality of a night without Bear was in our future. I had to lay in bed with her and cuddle her, while it took her 45 minutes to cry herself to sleep.
Brian and I slept for shit last night. I was tossing and turning until 1 a.m., and was awake again at 6 a.m. The Home Depot opens at 6 a.m., so I made my way over there at 7 a.m. while Sydney continued to sleep. I had a very helpful woman at Home Depot who searched the store with me. Still no Bear.
I stopped at the grocery store, which we had visited later in the afternoon yesterday. No Bear. I got back home, and Sydney wanted to know if I had found him. It broke my heart to tell her that I hadn't. Then, I took her to school.
I won't lie to you, I was a psycho mom this morning. I drove all over town, from one place we'd been to the next, asking and pleading for help. I've left my name and number everywhere.
Then, I went to the gym. I had to get my mind off it, but while there, it was all I could talk to Trainer Dan about. And then Trainer Dan said, "Calm down. Quit being emotional. The Bear is in the house. It is. Go into each room, and look around. Look where she normally hides things. I bet you've looked at where Bear is five times since last night, but you're being so crazy that you just aren't thinking straight. Calm down, and look again."
I understood what he was saying, and knew for a fact that, yes, I have been insane all morning. I was being too emotional. So when I got home, I started in the garage. Nothing. I went into my room. Starting at one corner, and then moving to the next corner.
Brian's nightstand. It has a small drawer. Sydney sometimes shoves things into the drawer.
I opened the drawer, and no shit, the fucking Bear jumped out of the drawer and into my hands. Honestly, I'd been crying all morning about the loss of Bear, but with him finally in my hands, and safe and sound to boot, it was an all-new kind of crying. My god, I went psycho in a completely different way, and you all should thank my mom for answering her phone otherwise I may have gone so crazy that you'd have heard me wherever you are.
So, we have Bear. And, per New Rule #1, he's never leaving the house again. As Brian said, when you know Bear is in the house, then it just becomes a search. The possibility of him being somewhere else that we may have left him, ups the nervous reaction quotient to an incredible level. (Witness my behavior since last night a 8 p.m.) Of course, I agree with this New Rule. Another rule: Bear doesn't go into drawers.

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