So my weekend is over, my family has returned to its places of residence, and life here has started to move forward again. It's kinda late on this Monday night, and I've had the same thought rolling through my head all day yesterday and today.
I would consider it a personal favor if no one I love would die within the next several years. I can't say it any plainer than that. Mom and I have had a really rough couple years, and we could really use a respite from death. It's almost ... almost ... worthy of a punchline how our family has been drastically reduced over the last several months, due almost entirely to heart attack, cancer and stroke. The year 2009 was supposed to be our year without death. Mom was right; the worst thing to happen this year should have been her turning 60. A ridiculous consolation is that the year can only go up from here.
Am I speaking to anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking about? An unflinching statement to tell you where I'm coming from: My lovely, wonderful Auntie Donna died a few weeks ago. She was 55, way too young to be leaving us, and has left an incredibly large hole in our hearts.
My cousin, Jessica, assumed that I would be saying something at Donna's "Celebration of Life," last Saturday. She told me that whatever I said would be wonderful. She seemed surprised when I told her that I wouldn't be reading anything I'd written. Truthfully, I've been afraid of writing about Auntie Donna. Once it's in words, it just seems so ... final. Having typed it out, even right now, and when I'm not even done, I feel like my head is already wading through the emotional aftermath of this latest devastation, and preparing me for whatever is coming next.
And as much as I want to scream out against "getting over it" and moving on, I know, again, from experience, that I will ... that we all will ... and that we will be able to laugh again. And that there will be some days, eventually, when we won't think of her periodically. But right now, I feel cheated. I mean, talk about having a member of your clique ripped away from you. Donna was a founding member of our "In Crowd," and it sucks right out loud that she'll no longer be able to go to Disneyland with us, or share dirty stories, or eat yummy food, or laugh really loud at something ridiculous I've said just to make her laugh really loud.
Who knows how we'll be getting through this one, my dears. We will, make no mistake about that, but I won't lie about the impact. I think we're a bit more bloodied and scarred then we've been before.
So there it is. Check out the lower left column of the blog for a dedication to my Auntie Donna, who was a tremendously dedicated reader.
But, before I finish, let me get you all a little fired up with me.
Here's my irritation and frustration with one of Donna's former coworkers, let's call her Candice, who visited Donna in the ICU and Hospice (specifically against the family's wishes as spelled out in a company-wide e-mail), and then had the nuts ... absolute nuts ... to question what we, as the family, were telling everyone, and wondered if she, herself, could involve an attorney against us. Um, WTF? I should have said something to this woman at Saturday's event, when she showed up, made nice to us, and then proceeded to spew vitriol on one of Donna's closest friends. I certainly hope that this woman never has to make the decisions we had to make that weekend, because she has no idea the pain and anguish involved with them. If she does know and has had to make those decisions, shame on her for adding to our pain. But if not, and she ever is put in that position, I hope she gains a real understanding for what we went through, and can then put some perspective and sympathy in her poodle haircut-covered head. Bitch.
My Dancing with the Stars voting (5 votes allowed):
Gilles Marini ~ 2 votes. I am loving this guy, you all, and that has nothing at all to do with the fact that Sex and the City: The Movie has been on HBO lately, and in the scene where he's showering, you get a profile view of his penis.
Melissa Rycroft ~ 2 votes. I'm so pleased that Melissa came back this week and performed with a vengeance. I also really like that she was able to toss Jewel's "perform live or stop competing" random threat back in her face.
Shawn Johnson ~ 1 vote. Someone had to get that last vote, and I'm not ready to choose between Melissa and Gilles yet, so Shawn is the lucky recipient.
Lil' Kim and Ty Murray ~ 0 votes. Honestly, I think it's time for either one of these two to leave tomorrow night. My money is on Ty.